Wizards and there Personal Problems
by Potter-Pikachu
Summary: What would happen if you put a few wizards with problems in there relationships on a live talk show. A whole lot of funny crap that's what! Rated pg13 but might be changed because of language. Read and Review


Potter/Pikachu: Hey everybody!  
  
Sirius: Heylo!  
  
Remus: What's upper!  
  
Potter/Pikachu: Would ya look at me now, I finally got another fic done and it didn't even take me that long.  
  
Sirius: Well aren't you special.  
  
Potter/Pikachu: Damn straight! But not in the way your thinking. This is just a little Jenny Jones spoof. It's been done I know, but what the hell! I need some more fanfics to write, and this is the shortest one I could think of without getting off track of my other story, HP and the Demon Knights. I don't want to start anything long until I'm at least halfway into that story first.  
  
Remus: That's a relief, you take long enough with that story as it is.  
  
Potter/Pikachu: Well, at least one of you appreciates my stories.  
  
Sirius: *sticks out his tongue* Suck up.  
  
Potter/Pikachu: Anyways, Sirius, why don't you do the disclaimer.  
  
Sirius: Why certainly. Ahem Disclaimer: Potter/Pikachu does not own any of the Harry Potter characters, they belong to the queen of literature, the princess of authors, the Janet Jackson of Hp type.er stuff-  
  
Potter/Pikachu: Get to the point!  
  
Sirius: I was getting there, J.K. Rowling. She also doesn't own Jenny Jones; she belongs to.uh.herself.I think. The only thing she owns in this fic, is hopefully the plot. Unless of course you've been doing a bit of copyrighting *elbows Potter/Pikachu* If you know what I mean.  
  
Potter/Pikachu: *narrows eyes* hardly funny Sirius.  
  
Sirius: *sweat drops* Just kidding, heh, heh.  
  
Potter/Pikachu *sighs* Remus, do the title please.  
  
Remus: Ugh, sure thing.  
  
  
  
Remus: Wizards and there Personal Problems (Harry Potter on the Jenny Jones Show)  
  
By: Potter/Pikachu  
  
~~*~~  
  
The Jenny Jones theme sounds as a spot light is cast on Jenny while she walks down the audiences' aisle. Sitting up front facing the audience in one of the seats on the stage is Remus Lupin, who is looking a little edgy. He is wearing regular blue muggle jeans and a white sweat shirt, with some blue and white nikes to match.  
  
Jenny: *Looks towards the camera and gives a big cheesy (fake) smile* Hello everyone and welcome to the Jenny Jones show!  
  
Crowd: *Applauses*  
  
Jenny: Now today our topic is. *looks down at her cue card* Wizards and there personal problems? *raises eyebrows and mutters* hmm, must be a typo. *looks back to Remus* Our first guest today is Remus Lupin.  
  
  
  
Remus: *waves and smiles at the camera nervously*  
  
  
  
  
  
Jenny: Okay, now before we get started how about you tell us a little about yourself Mr. Lupin?  
  
  
  
  
  
Remus: *darts his eyes around the room and sinks into his chair* Umm, sorry that's classified information.  
  
  
  
  
  
Jenny looks a little discouraged by this, but quickly recovers when she takes out a peculiar looking file out of her coat.  
  
  
  
  
  
Jenny: Oooh I'm sorry Remus but here on the Jenny Jones show, your personal life is anything but classified. *opens folder* It says here that you are a teacher at a school called Hogwarts and you were recently fired for being a werewolf.  
  
  
  
  
  
Everyone is silent after Jenny finishes reading. Remus sinks a little lower into his chair and starts to sweat.  
  
  
  
  
  
Jenny: Um, that's interesting.*stops because everyone is still silent* Uh, because your on the Jenny Jones show?  
  
  
  
  
  
Crowd: *Applauds*  
  
  
  
  
  
Jenny: *stares at crowd funny* Riiiiiiggghttt. But anyways back to our guest. Now Remus, do you know why you're here on the Jenny Jones show?  
  
  
  
  
  
Crowd: *Applauds*  
  
  
  
  
  
Jenny turns around, and suddenly the crowd is silent again. She scratches her head and turns back to Remus.  
  
  
  
  
  
Jenny: A response to the question please, Remus.  
  
  
  
  
  
Remus: Oh, um well no. I just got this letter that said I was invited to the Jenny Jones show.  
  
  
  
  
  
Crowd: *Applauds*  
  
  
  
  
  
Remus: *stares at the crowd funny* What the freak is wrong with that crowd?  
  
  
  
  
  
Jenny: *ignores Remus* Well, your about to find out Remus. Come on out Tyra!  
  
  
  
  
  
The crowd applauds as Tyra Banks comes out from behind the stage. She is wearing tight black Capri pants, a tank top V neck black shirt, and some six inch heels. She waves and blows kisses at the audience. Remus stares at Tyra confused and surprised to see his girlfriend on the show.  
  
  
  
  
  
Tyra: *Sits down next to Remus* Hi Jenny. *waves at the audience* Hi Jenny Jones show audience!  
  
  
  
  
  
Crowd: *applauds*  
  
  
  
  
  
Jenny: Alright people calm down.  
  
  
  
  
  
Crowd: *keeps applauding*  
  
  
  
  
  
Jenny: *getting mad* Damn it I said calm down! Stop acting like you never seen someone famous before!  
  
  
  
  
  
Crowd: *shuts up*  
  
  
  
  
  
Jenny: *takes a deep breath, then goes back to happy fake self* Now Tyra has joined us because she has to confess something to Remus, right Tyra?  
  
  
  
  
  
Tyra: *nods* yes I do Jenny. * turns chair around and scoots it closer to Remus. Takes his hand in hers* Now Remus baby you know I love you right?  
  
  
  
  
  
Remus: *nods uncertainly*  
  
  
  
  
  
Tyra: Well, I invited you here because I have a confession to make, and I felt the whole world needed to know.  
  
  
  
  
  
Remus: *getting a little nervous* Right, right. Get on with it.  
  
  
  
  
  
Tyra: *takes a deep breath* okay, I wanted to tell you that.I've been sleeping with someone else.  
  
  
  
  
  
Crowd: Oooooooooohhhhh!  
  
  
  
  
  
Remus stays where he is stunned at the new information. After a few seconds of silence, Remus yanks his hand out of Tyras.  
  
  
  
  
  
Remus: *puts his head in his hands then takes it out after a second* You What!?  
  
  
  
  
  
Tyra: I-I said I was sleeping.  
  
  
  
  
  
Remus: *cuts her off* I heard what you said damn it!  
  
  
  
  
  
Jenny: Remus, did you have any idea that Tyra was cheating on you?  
  
Remus: *looks at her like she's crazy* If I had any idea, do you think I would still be with the bitch now! *turns back to Tyra* Why! What? When? Where?  
  
Tyra: *about to say something but Remus cuts her off again*  
  
Remus: *gets up* Oh no, no, no, no! Don't say shit! I know what this is now, your mystery "boyfriend" is supposed to be around here somewhere isn't he?  
  
Jenny: Mr. Lupin could you please calm down.  
  
Remus: I ain't calmin down! Just wait till I get my hands on the motha fucker!  
  
Remus walks behind stage, cussing all the way. Jenny is looking a little worried what Remus is going to do to her stage crew if he doesn't find who he's looking for.  
  
Jenny: *whispers to one of the cameramen* Can we get some security back there?  
  
Camera man: *nods. And follows Remus back stage to get security*  
  
Jenny: Okay, I guess we should bring out our next guest before Remus gets to him first. Come on out Severus!  
  
Severus Snape comes out from back stage wearing a green sweater and some Kacky pants. The Crowd boos as Snape goes up to Tyra and they both start tongue kissing like nobodies business. They finally break. Snape sits down next to Tyra hand in hand.  
  
Crowd: *Aww*  
  
Jenny: Now Severus, I believe that you have confession of your own for Tyra here.  
  
Tyra looks at Snape a little nervously and let's go of his hand. Snape turns his chair around to face Tyra and takes her hand back in his.  
  
Snape: Now Tyra, I'm just going to cut to the chase alright.  
  
Tyra: O-o-okay.  
  
  
  
Snape: Okay. I've been cheating on you.  
  
  
  
  
  
Crowd: *gasps*  
  
  
  
  
  
Tyra takes her hand out of Snapes and scoots her chair to the end of the stage.  
  
  
  
  
  
Tyra: *mutters* For how long?  
  
  
  
  
  
Snape: Um, let's see, *tips off fingers and counts in his head* Since I met you.  
  
Crowd: Booooooooo!  
  
Snape: *glares at the crowd* Don't act like you've never done it before.  
  
Jenny: Severus, did you know that Tyra already had a boyfriend?  
  
Snape: Yup.  
  
Jenny: And now you're cheating on the one you're cheating with?  
  
Snape: Um, yeah pretty much.  
  
Suddenly, Remus comes out from the other side of the stage. He sees Snape and starts to get really pissed off.  
  
Remus: Why you lousy son of a bitch! I'll kill you!  
  
Snape: *sees Remus coming at him* Whoa! Wait a minute Remus calm down.  
  
Snape throws a chair in front of him to slow Remus down, but Remus just jumps over it and keeps advancing on him. Remus chasses Snape around the stage.  
  
Remus: Come here you greasy motha fucking girlfriend stealing fruit cup!  
  
Remus quickly caught up with Snape and grabbed him by the back of his neck. He span Snape around and started punching him in the face. Tyra, finally getting a hold of herself, got up and jumped on Remus' back. Remus ignored her and pushed Snape up against a wall.  
  
Remus: *backhanding Snape* You back stabbing ass hole! I'm gonna rip your head off and plant daisies in your neck!  
  
Some security guards run in from the audience. One of them easily grabbed Tyra off of Remus' back, although it was a bit more complicated for them to get Remus off of Snape. About four of the security guards tried to yank Remus' arms off of Snapes neck, but that was hardly enough. Remus swung his arms up and the security guards flew several feet back, landing on the cameras and camera men. All the while the Crowd is going crazy as they chant for all the guests to kill each other.  
  
The back up security guards arrive and are able to subdue Remus. Three men each take a hold of his arms and two of them held him at the waist so they could fully pull him off. Snape slid down from the wall panting, looking like he had just been in an ass whooping contest. Tyra and some more security guards helped him up and the two went back to their seats. Meanwhile Remus is still trying to break away from the guards but eventually gives up.  
  
Guard 1: Please Mr. Lupin control yourself!  
  
Guard 2: Yes, if you don't we'll have to escort you off the stage!  
  
Remus: Alright, I'm calm, I'm calm damn it! *jerks his arms out of the guards grasp* Get offa me. *walks to a seat far away from Tyra and Snape*  
  
Crowd: Jenny, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny!  
  
Jenny: *goggles at her guest on stage* No wonder Jerry Springer gets all the ratings. *shakes her head* Remus, do you have anything to say to Severus or Tyra?  
  
Remus: *shakes his head still pissed off* I can't believe this shit. *turns to Tyra* How could you do this to me?  
  
Tyra: *handing Snape an icepack* Remus I.  
  
Remus: *holds up hand* No, shut up! I don't wanna here it trick!  
  
Jenny: Is there anyway you can save this relationship?  
  
Remus: Nope, As soon as we get home she's gonna have to pack her bags and leave.  
  
Tyra: *shocked* But Remus, where am supposed to go, you can't just kick me out!  
  
Remus: Well you should have thought of that before you fucked that grease ball over there.  
  
Tyra: *opens her mouth then closes it at a lost for words.* But I have no where else to go! I can't go back to my mamas house, not after the whole career issue.  
  
Remus: *not impressed by Tyra's excuses* You know what they say, you a'int gots to go home but you gots to get the hell out of here!  
  
Crowd: Oooooh!  
  
Snape: *gets closer to Tyra* Don't worry about the wolf boy hun, you can move in to my place.  
  
Remus: Oh don't think your getting off that easily Snapey boy. Those security guards wont be around to save your skinny ass on the street.  
  
Snape: *gets closer to Tyra and adjusts ice pack* You're all talk Werewolf.  
  
Remus: Oh I am, am I?  
  
Remus gets up out of his seat so fast that his seat screeches back and falls to the floor. Snape jumps back in his own seat and clutches Tyra for dear life. The stage crew gets ready just in case Remus decides to do anything but he doesn't show any sign of advancing.  
  
Remus: You think I don't know where you live. Oooh you'd better watch your back the next full moon. *picks up his chair and sits back down with his arms folded*  
  
Jenny: *mutters* Why didn't I check to see if there files said anything about being in the nut house. Um well, this has been a rather interesting episode. Stay tuned for more of the Jenny Jones show folks cause when we come back, there will be more surprises and secrets unraveled once we bring out our next guests.  
  
Crowd applauds as the Jenny Jones theme music sounds again and fades into a commercial.  
  
Camera man 1: And we're off the air Jenny.  
  
Jenny takes off her fake smile and relaxes a bit. One of the staff members comes up to her and gives her a glass of wine, which she quickly drinks with one swig. Jenny turns back to the Jacked up Severus Snape, the pissed off Remus Lupin, and the worried and nervous looking Tyra Banks.  
  
Jenny: *sighs* What have I sunken down too? God I feel so dirty. *looks over to a staff member* Hey Craig, give me another shot of that!  
  
The staff member shakes his head in disgust but gives her another hit of the liquor. He goes up to Jenny and pours the wine into the glass. He hands it to her.  
  
Jenny: *knocks the glass out of his hand and takes the bottle* Just give me the whole thing! *Takes a huge swig out of the bottle and then tosses it to the side hitting one of the camera men*  
  
Camera man 2: Ow, my eye! I got glass in my eye!  
  
Jenny: Oh suck it up Josh, you know you've got eye insurance  
  
Camera man 1: We're going back on the air in 30 seconds!  
  
Jenny: *moans* Why can't it be thirty hours!? I feel like I'm getting a hang over all ready! *rubs her temples*  
  
Camera man 1: On the air in 10 seconds!  
  
Jenny takes a deep breath and turns around towards the audience. She turns back around and shes back to her fake cheesy self with a huge smile.  
  
Jenny: *looks to her guests* Okay people, your doing great so far. Lets keep up the good work and go all out when the next guests come out. *gives a thumbs up*  
  
Remus: Are your next guests going to be having interesting secrets *shoots a glare at Tyra* like the last ones?  
  
Jenny: *smiles widely at Remus* Oh now Mr. Lupin, it wouldn't be a secret if I told you now would it?  
  
Camera man 1: On the air in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and.  
  
The Jenny Jones music sounds once again as the cameras cut the commercials and continues with the show.  
  
Jenny: Hello everyone welcome back to our show! For those of you just tuning in, our topic today is Wizards and there personal problems.  
  
Crowd: *applauds*  
  
Jenny: Before we went on our break and before the uh miniature massacre Remus portrayed for us.  
  
Crowd: *applauds especially loud*  
  
Jenny: Severus had just told Tyra that he was also cheating on her.  
  
Crowd: Oooooooooooooohh!  
  
Tyra: *scoots away from Snape* I almost forgot too. I can't believe you, how could you do this to me? *covers her face in her hand*  
  
Remus: *snickers* What goes around comes around bitch.  
  
Jenny: Well now that we've established everything I think now is the time to bring out our next to guest! Please welcome Severus' other girlfriend Lil Kim!  
  
The crowd hoots and cat calls (the male part mainly) as Lil Kim comes out from back stage in a bright red scotch tape, spider web like outfit. She goes into the middle of the stage and starts' popping her butt, spins around, and ends it with a quick regulator across the stage.  
  
Crowd: *Applauds and men start drooling*  
  
Lil Kim stops her dance and hops into Snapes lap, licking the side of his face. Snape lets out a yelp of pain as Lil Kim puts her full weight on his already jacked up legs.  
  
Lil Kim: *finally gets a good look at Snape* Damn! What happened to you?  
  
Snape: I really don't want to talk about it.  
  
Jenny looks like she is about to say something about Lil Kim's attire but decides against it.  
  
Jenny: Um. Kim, did you know that Severus was cheating on someone with another girl?  
  
Lil Kim: Yeah I knew. The little trick obviously wasn't givin him enough if he had to cheat with me too.  
  
At this statement Tyra really starts to get angry and lunges at Lil Kim. The Security guards catch her in time and prevent her from doing anything. Lil Kim gets up from her seat and pranced around, yelling for Tyra to just bring it.  
  
Tyra: *struggles against the guard holding her waist* I'll beat you down to the ground ya dirty skank ass hoe!  
  
Lil Kim: *jumping in place a couple of inches away from Tyra* Takes a hoe to know a hoe, hoe.  
  
Tyra: *stretches hand out but still can't reach Kim* Just come a little closer, I'll rip yo weave clean off!  
  
Lil Kim: *points to head* Oh you want this weave right here huh!? You want this weave right here bitch! *whips her head in a circle so her braids fly around in front of her*  
  
Snape: *crosses his legs and puts his hands behind his head* Heh, heh, all this drama for little old me.  
  
Remus: *cracks his knuckles* Keep talking Snape and see what happens.  
  
Snape: *sits back into chair* I'll just shut up now.  
  
Crowd: *Practically jumping out of there seats in excitement* Chick fight, chick fight, chick fight, chick fight!  
  
Jenny: *whistles* Okay people calm down; remember this show is only an hour long.  
  
Tyra jerks the guard out of the way and returns to her seat. Lil Kim also goes over to her original seat (not Snapes lap)  
  
Jenny: *mutters* Lets see, what's the next question? *looks down at cue card* Snape, did you know that Lil Kim already had a boyfriend?  
  
Snape: *nods* She told me about two weeks after we started going out.  
  
Jenny: And you're okay with this?  
  
Snape: *holds Kim close to him* Yup, Kim and I never keep any secrets. Isn't that right love?  
  
Kim: Uh yeah, sure.  
  
Jenny: *smiles evilly* Is that right? Well did Lil Kim ever happen to mention who her boyfriend was exactly?  
  
Snape: *furrows eyebrows* Um.no. But it's not like it matters now.  
  
Jenny: Oh now I wouldn't say that just yet Mr. Snape, because Lil Kim's real boyfriend is our next guest. Please everyone welcome Sirius Black!  
  
The Audience applauds as Sirius Black and surprisingly Harry Potter walk from behind the stage. Sirius is wearing a regular black muggle addidas shirt and black Jeans, while Harry is wearing a blue jean fit. Remus, Snape, and Lil Kim all stare shocked as both Harry and Sirius take a seat on the stage. Jenny in particular is looking rather perplexed at Harry.  
  
Remus: Padfoot?  
  
Sirius: Moony?  
  
Remus/Sirius: What are you doing here?  
  
Harry: *waves merrily at Remus* Hey Professor Lupin, nice fit!  
  
Remus: Hmm, thanks.  
  
Snape: *scared and angry* Black!  
  
Sirius: *narrows his eyes* Snape.  
  
Lil Kim: *covers her face with one hand* Oh shit.  
  
Sirius: Kim? Hey what's going on here?  
  
Jenny: *stares at Harry* What the.Hey there are no kids aloud on this show!  
  
Sirius: *shrugs* I had to pick him up from Quidditch practice.  
  
Jenny: *smacks forehead* Ugh, I know I'm going to here a lot of crap from my manager after this show is over.  
  
Sirius: What in the bloody blue hell is going on here? *sees Kim dangerously close to Snape* And why are you sitting next to him!?  
  
Lil Kim: *scoots closer to Snape* Uh well, you see what happened was I uh.  
  
Remus: Let me save you the trouble. Snape here is going out with my girlfriend, and is going out with your girlfriend, and is also cheating on my girlfriend for going out with your girlfriend.  
  
Sirius: *stares at him blankly* What?  
  
Harry: *sighs* Tyra is screwing Snape behind Remus' back, and Kim is also screwing Snape behind your back.  
  
Sirius: *Stares stunned in place* Oh really. Well I guess I should.Man Fuck it!  
  
Sirius jumps out of his seat and spears Snape with his shoulder in the stomach, bringing him down to the floor. He repeatedly punches Snape in the face, as the crowd goes wild with applause.  
  
Sirius: *still brutally punching Snape* I knew that wasn't her cousin on that telephone thing. All those times she said she was going to those late night movies she was going out with you! That Tommy cologne was yours too wasn't it?  
  
Sirius picks a slightly limp Snape up by his shirt collar and turns around to Lil Kim, pointing an accusing finger at her.  
  
Sirius: Oh don't think I forgot about yo ass. *punches Snape again while still facing Kim* You know what, I'm glad you were cheating on me, now I have an excuse to beat the snot out of Snape! *turns around and continues punching*  
  
Remus: *gets up out of his seat pounding his fist in his hand* Your not going to have all the fun Sirius.  
  
Sirius and Remus are now punching Snape back and forth as if he were a beach ball. With this distraction, Tyra decides to get even with Lil Kim and for the second time jumps at her. The two of them roll around the stage, biting, punching, and pulling each others hair. Everyone except for Harry is destroying the stage in the process of there fighting. Jenny is practically pulling her hair out in her hysterics, and the crowd is going crazy with excitement.  
  
Jenny: Everyone please return to your seats, you're messing up the show!  
  
Everyone ignores Jenny and keeps on fighting.  
  
Jenny: Ugh, they're all going to get me fired! Why isn't security stopping them?  
  
Guard 1: *eating a B.L.T.* Lunch Break.  
  
Rest of the guards: *nods in agreement*  
  
Jenny: *puts her head in her hands* What am I going to do?  
  
The audience goes nuts as the fighters continue there brawl. There deafening cries and cheers could probably cause a few people in China to complain about the noise. Harry is the only one covering his ears because he isn't fighting, having a break down, screaming for everyone to kill each other, is not busy on a lunch break. Finally, the constant shouting gets to him and he decides that its time for everything to stop.  
  
Harry: *pulls out a glock from his pocket and lets off a few bullets at the ceiling* All right people settle down.  
  
The gun fire reverberates around the walls as everyone freezes in place. The audience has stopped screaming standing in place. Remus and Sirius have stopped in mid punch and have also frozen in there spot, staring wide eyed at Harry. Snape collapses to the ground, unconscious way before he hits the ground. Tyra and Lil Kim stop rolling around and stare at Harry as well. Even the Security guards had stopped in mid bite of there sandwich to stare at the kid with the gun.  
  
Harry: Sirius. Professor Lupin. Sit over here next to me. *indicates his gun where there supposed to go* Tyra. Kim. You two go sit over there and drag Snape with you. *also indicates gun where they're supposed to go*  
  
Everyone stares at Harry for a moment, and then follows his instruction and go to there respective seats  
  
Harry: *sighs and puts his gun away* That's better. *sits back down with his arms folded*  
  
Sirius: Harry, since when do you carry a gun?  
  
Harry: *Looks around nervously* Uh.so Jenny isn't the audience supposed to ask questions now?  
  
Jenny: *still looking shocked by Harry's actions* How did he get that past the metal detector? Oh um yeah, does anyone have any questions for our guests?  
  
The audience all raise there hands in the air. Jenny walked up the aisle to the very back to a rather large looking woman.  
  
Jenny: Yes, what is your question?  
  
Woman: *takes mike from Jenny* Yeah I have a question for Sirius.  
  
Jenny: Okay go ahead.  
  
Woman: Since your single now, I wanted to know if you were available tonight. Cause I'm here to pick you up when your down boo. *licks her lips*  
  
Jenny: Sirius you have anything to say about that?  
  
Sirius: Uh, I'll get back to you on that one.  
  
Jenny: Anyone else? Oh you in the second row. *walks up to the front*  
  
A man who looked to be about twenty one with rainbow colored hair took Jenny's mike out of her hand.  
  
Man: *southern accent* To Tyra, I was wonderin if you could take your shirt off.  
  
Snape: *now conscious* Hey don't tell my girlfriend to take her shirt off you stupid muggle!  
  
Tyra: What do ya mean I'm your girlfriend? You're cheating on me!  
  
Snape: Yeah, but that doesn't mean I don't care if you take your shirt off! *mutters* In front of people that is.  
  
Tyra: Remus! Aren't you going to say anything about this?  
  
Remus: Hell nah! Trick your dead to me.  
  
Lil Kim: Severus, what you talking about that hoe for? You've got me now.  
  
Tyra: Who you callin a hoe trick?  
  
Lil Kim: *snaps fingers while getting out of her seat* You is who I'm talking too. Wanna make something of it?  
  
Tyra: *gets up* Maybe I do.  
  
Snape: *gets in between the women* Ladies please! There's enough Severus for everybody.  
  
Lil Kim: Sirius sho did treat me better then you.  
  
Sirius: should've thought of that before you screwed the fagot.  
  
Snape: Come on Ladies, you know I'm better than those stupid gits Black and Lupin.  
  
Remus: *gets out of his seat again* You know Snape; you bring this pain on yourself. Wouldn't you agree Pads?  
  
Sirius: *also gets up* Ya Damn skippy Moons. You'd think he likes getting the baJesus knocked out of him.  
  
Remus and Sirius start advancing on Snape again. Tyra and Lil Kim also get ready to continue on with there cat fight. Harry sees all this and calmly takes his gun back out. He cocks the safety back and points it at his targets, who all stop in there places once hereing the sudden clicking sound.  
  
Harry: Don't even think about it. *waves gun around lazily* Back in your seats, now. No fighting until the shows over.  
  
They all slowly return to there chairs, keeping there eyes glued to the gun.  
  
Sirius: *whispers* We're going to have a talk about that gun when we get home.  
  
Harry: *rubs the back of his head with his hand* Uh, heh heh.*sigh*  
  
Jenny: *raises eyebrow* this is probably the weirdest show I've had since that Michel Jackson, Halli Berri incident. Well that's all the time we have for today folks. Stayed tuned for our next episode *looks down at cue card* Witches, Wizards, and Drag queens oh my! *drops cue card* I think I'm going to be sick.  
  
Jenny takes out an emergency bottle of liquor from coat pocket. She takes a huge swig and then stares at it with glazed over eyes.  
  
Jenny: *cradles bottle in her arms* You're my only friend.  
  
Everyone on stage except for Snape look at Harry expectantly, eager for him to give them the signal.  
  
Everyone except Snape: Now?  
  
Harry: *nods* Now.  
  
And the smack down began. As Jenny drowns herself in Vodka, the guests continue there fight to the death, and the crowd starts to tear down the place just for the hell of it, the security guards take one look at it all and sum it up in a few words: The hell with this crap! They begin to leave, one of them just so happens to see Harry sitting there not doing anything in particular and call him over.  
  
Guard 2: Yo Harry! We're about to go to the arcade and play some air hockey, wanna come?  
  
Harry: Sure! *hops out of his seat but then stops and turns to Sirius* Is it okay if I go to the arcade Siri?  
  
Sirius currently has Snape in an ankle lock trying to break his leg off. He looks up at Harry with Snapes leg still in his hands.  
  
Sirius: Fine with me. Just be home at around eight o' clock kay. This could take a while. *continues ripping Snapes leg off*  
  
Harry: Cool! Bye Professor Lupin *catches up with guards and leaves with them to the arcade*  
  
Remus: *yanking Snapes arm off* See ya Harry!  
  
The Jenny Jones music sounds as the credits roll down the camera. Just before the show fades out you can see a few audience members swinging on some wires that connected to the lights on the ceiling.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
Potter/Pikachu: So, how was it?  
  
Sirius: Not bad, I should've beaten up Snape more though.  
  
Remus: Yeah, me too. It's a rare thing when I get to whoop on someone these days.  
  
Potter/Pikachu: yeah, you guys are right. But I didn't really feel like writing all that, not now at least.  
  
Remus and Sirius: *stare wide eyed in shock* Did she just agree with us?  
  
Potter/Pikachu: *shrugs* Stranger things will happen. But I will have you two have major parts in the action scenes in my other fic. HP and Demon Knights.  
  
Sirius and Remus: Cool!  
  
Potter/Pikachu: As for this fic. I'm not sure if I'll continue it or not. If I get 1 or more reviews then I'll keep going, if not then I'll just leave it there for show. Because damn it I wrote another fanfic!  
  
Remus: Uh right, shall we wrap this up?  
  
Potter/Pikachu: Oh yeah. This is Potter/Pikachu signing off!!!!!! 


End file.
